Temptation, Distraction & Nick Offerman

One of my tips is get a hobby [….] putting your phone down and doing something with your hands, so that at the end of two hours you have a tangible result to your time. You’ve still been distracting yourself, by knitting or cooking or playing music, but you’ve created something instead of played Words with Friends for two hours. – Nick Offerman

Oldie but a goodie. There is so much I love about this GQ&A with Nick Offerman (aka Ron Swanson). Also, side note, I am mildly obsessed with his tables.

This is something I’ve been working on lately — resisting temptation. Unfortunately, I don’t even mean temptation in an interesting/exotic/scandalous way. My temptations exist in the form of Facebook, Hulu, Instagram, KITTENS ON THE INTERNETZ. And of course the mundane tasks required to keep a household going… cooking, cleaning, laundry (and yet somehow I still never manage to FOLD said laundry…hmmm…).

That time I spend doing THOSE things? Could be spent MAKING something. My goal this year — write for at least 30 minutes every day. But really? Can we be honest? That’s pathetic. I’m a writer, writing is kind of what I’m supposed to do. And yes, technically, I write for hours and hours every day as part of my job. But I need to get better about setting time aside for MY writing. That book I’ve been working on for, oh, A YEAR AND A HALF? I COULD finish it writing 30 minutes a day, but that’d take about as long as a sloth attack.

On the positive side — since I gave myself this goal, I HAVE been fairly good about getting my 30 minutes in. One thing that’s helped: the Lift app. I feel ridiculous needing what amounts to a game in order to get my shit together…but if it works, it works. Once I start consistently doing my 30 minutes a day, I’m going to up that number. WATCH OUT, 60 MINUTES, HERE I COME!

How are YOUR goals going? Misery loves company. Tell me your struggles, denizens of the interwebs. We can do this together (perhaps with the help of a few apps).

That Time I Almost Met Fabio (But Ended Up Acting Like A Middle School Girl)

This is my friend Rachael. This is a photo of my friend Rachael with Fabio, a photo which lives on my fridge and stares at me whenever I get yoghurt or beer.

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Last night I went to the fancy-pants grocery store to buy champagne (as one does on a Thursday night). I walked past the cheese and produce thinking, “Oh, I hope there some cheese samples tonight OH HOLY SHIT THAT IS FABIO.”

Yes, there was Fabio, surrounded by a small group of people (mostly women). You should know: THIS IS NOT THAT WEIRD. Fabio is shilling some new health food product these days so has been making the fancy-pants grocery store rounds. This is how Rachael met him several months back, before she snuck that photo on my fridge.

But, you know, I still wasn’t expecting to see HELLO FABIO at 8 o’clock on a Thursday night at my grocery store. Fabio has never been my cup of tea, but I will say, in person, he cuts a STRIKING figure. Taller than I expected and good bone structure (what, it’s totally a thing). He actually looked like a pretty nice guy — chatting with all the ladies and whatnot. I couldn’t believe I’d run into the dude on my fridge. And I realized I HAD to get a picture for Rachael.

Only — I didn’t want to be the creeper sneaking photos. I mean, there was even a sign up basically asking the creepers of the world NOT to do that. But I HAD to get this photo. I am decidedly NOT GOOD when it comes to this sort of thing. I get all psyched out and then just deflate like a sad balloon. I was giving myself little pep talks about it, trying to get pumped up. Do I go stand in the crowd? Do I introduce myself? Do I walk up and say, “Hi, you met my friend and your picture is on my fridge”?

And just as I was trying to nut up, Fabio saw me walking past, made eye contact, and smiled.

And I…smirked.

I think that’s the only thing that can describe the facial expression I made. It definitely wasn’t in the smile territory. It was a smirk born out of “OMFG FABIO IS MAKING EYE CONTACT ABORT ABORT!”

So did I pull it together and go say hello? Get the picture for my friend? No. Of course not. I scurried over to the champagne area and HID BEHIND THE BOTTLES, sneaking glances at the crowd. Sorry, 2013, this “being brave” thing is off to a mediocre start.

Fabio, if you ever read this, the smirking girl says “hello.” Oh, and your picture is on my fridge.

Titles

Hi, my name is Laura, and I’m a writer who can’t write titles. I mean, really. I suck at writing titles. Every piece I work on is ‘Untitled’ until…well, for most of them, forever. They are stuck in untitled purgatory, waiting to be cleansed of my sins. Whenever I DO come up with a title, it’s — to put it mildly — weak sauce. WEAK SAUCE I TELL YOU.

Since I clearly have no effin’ clue as to how to write a good title, I’ve decided to dissect some of my favorites. Theory being that poring over them will help me understand how to come up with ones of my own. That, or osmosis will just take over and I’ll suddenly be able to write brilliant titles. Tada!

The Time Traveler’s Wife
Why it works for me: I immediately want to know why we’re supposed to focus on the wife, not the time traveler. Dude CLEARLY has a cool job.

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay
This one is a little harder to pinpoint, but I think it’s a) the words sound great together when read out loud, and b) it’s kind of grandiose. Also, the promise of adventure.

The Grapes of Wrath
You never knew fruit could be wrathful until this moment.

What are some of your favorite titles? Why do you love them? Show me, tell me. I am greedy for titles.

Oh wait.

I think I’m supposed to give some sort of introduction to this here blog.

Hello. My name is…

No, wait.

Hello. I’m Laura. I’m a writer. I live in Seattle. I have two cats and a husband and a newly acquired 50’s rambler in need of love (and cash). I like sweatpants. A lot. But don’t worry, I don’t wear them as often as I’d like.

I write for a living and for fun. The “fun” part consists of two currently-shelved second-draft books and one currently-writing book-in-progress. Consistently writing is a constant battle between the forces of good and the forces of lazy. And Jon Stewart, because damn if the Daily Show isn’t distracting. I’ve decreed (DECREED) that 2013 be the year that I finish the damn book-in-progress and get it moving towards publication.

2013 is also my year of Being Selfish. Saying YES and going on adventures and working on my own projects. Which explains this blog’s existence, as it falls under the grand scheme of “projects.” Here you’ll find…well, I’m not too sure on that front yet. Musings? Pictures? Gallant re-tellings of my ever-so-fascinating life? We’ll muddle through, I promise.

Now if you’ll excuse me. I have to change out of my sweatpants.